On jealousy and admitting to it
I wrote this to my newsletter subscribers a few weeks ago. That's where I share all of my super vulnerable stuff, and I write to my merry gang every other week. If you want to receive them, head to the bottom of this post. Anyway, I thought it'd be nice to share it with the world too. Well, the small world of people who read my blog anyway......
I hope you are leaning into Autumn in all its glory, drinking tea and jumping through leaves. Or something similarly ridiculous.....;) I've got another confession for you today friends, and it's one I am truly ashamed of.
In contrast to what I expected to happen, pregnancy seemed to completely transform my mental health. I was happy, free from depression and anxiety and I honestly loved my changing body and huge bump.
It's certainly not a new feeling, and it's one that has joined me throughout my life like a really terrible friend.
A few months after Anaïs was born I realised things weren't quite right. I felt tired (obviously!), anxious and I battled against feelings of depression. But nothing prepared me for the waves of utter jealousy that washed over me daily.
I am jealous of that Instagram mum with the perfect life.
Jealous of the fellow new mum with a flat tummy.
Jealous of the blogger with a much better website than mine.
Jealous of those without children who can fly away on a moments notice.
Jealous of dog-owners who made it work when I couldn't.
Jealous of people with close family ties, in stark contrast to my own fractured relationships.
Jealous of the flat below mine with access to the garden I can see from my bedroom window.
And jealous of everyone on Instagram with a bigger following than mine, better pictures and that darn 'swipe up' option (I mean.....this is ridiculous to say, but I'm being honest!).
But then this happened....I listened to an amazing episode of one of my favourite podcasts, Being Boss. And Kathleen said this: 'Don't compare your real life to someone else's highlight reel', or something similar....
And that made me realise I needed to stop, get a grip and remember that behind every seemingly perfect thing happening to someone else, is a whole heap of hard work and shit things happening to them too.
It's still there occasionally, but I am fighting against old Jealousy! How about you?